Hogs and Kisses/Transcript
This is an episode transcript for Hogs and Kisses. Transcript Grandmum: Hello, dearie. Have you seen Jason? Michelle: He's right there. Grandmum: Jason? Jason! Jason: Huh? Grandmum: Sit up straight, crumpet, or you'll get a shrimp back. Jason: Okay, Grandmum, morphing invinsible hyper speed on. Grandmum: (laughs) If that's hyper speed, I'm Lloyd George. You haven't moved an inch all day. Michelle: (giggles) It's true. You've been there for hours. Jason: Have not. Finally! High score! Grandmum: Too much of that isn't good for you. Jason: Huh? Grandmum: Go out and play, Jason. Jason: Congratulations, Jason, good game. Grandmum: Ah, Jason love, too much candy. Give it here, please. Jason: All I get is complaints. Grandmum: Now, sweetie, mustn't take it all to heart. I'm only telling you these things for your own good. Jason: Doesn't feel like it. Grandmum: Like the Good Book says, "The wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses." Don't you want to know what that means? Jason: Not really. Grandmum: Family and friends tell you things that might hurt a bit, but are for your own good. On the other hand, enemies can say things that sound nice, but they don't care how you treat yourself. Michelle: Hey, where are you going? Jason: Somewhere where I won't get grief for eating a piece of candy. Michelle: Grandmum was only saying that because she cares, Jason. Jason: Then I'd rather be around someone whe doesn't care. Like Joey Corellee. Michelle: Him? He's always pushing you around. He's no friend. Jason: Yeah, but at least he doesn't bug me when I eat candy or play video games! Or say hurtful things that make me feel bad! Michelle: Yeah, because-- Zidgel: Ahoy, Jason and Michelle. What seems to be the problem? Zidgel: Never mind that now, we have a mission. Zidgel: Um, Jason, shoe's untied. Jason: (screams) Zidgel: Welcome aboard, cadets. Fidgel: Stand up straight, lad. Michelle: I thought you said we had a mission. Zidgel: Absolutely. A mission to Space-T Freeze. Then we go and help some poor alien race with their piggy bank in Sector Eight. Jason: Oh, boy, the Space-T Freeze! Zidgel: Not so fast, mister. I'm sorry to report, you left half a corndog under your bunk last time you were here. It's rotting on the floor. You ever hear of disease? Jason: Huh? Midgel: Gotta keep the ship ship-shape, mate. Not to mention healthy. Jason: Okay... Zidgel: Oh, and Jason. Jason: Woah! Oof. Zidgel: Your other shoe's untied, too. Don't want to, uh, trip and hurt yourself. Sol: So, why so down in the mouth? Jason: Huh? Oh, I don't know. It's nothing. Sol: Are you sure? Jason: Jason don't do this. Jason don't do that. Stand up straight, too many video games, too much candy. It's like nobody likes me. Makes me feel...bad. Sol: Who makes you feel bad? Jason: Them! Everyone! I thought they were my friends. It's like everything I do is wrong. Sol: Ah, wounds from a friend. Jason: Huh? What? Sol: The wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. Jason: Where have I heard that before? Sol: Well that means, sometimes your friends may say things that hurt your feelings, but it's only because they care about you. Jason: Yeah, if they really cared, they'd say something nice for a change. Sol: Well, that's the other part you have to be careful about. Cuz sometimes, your enemies can say nice things to get their way. It's called flattery. Jason: So, how do you know who your real friends are? Sol: A friend will tell you something for your own good. Jason: One more? Sol: Uh, one's the limit. Sol: H-how about a piece of fruit? It's better. Jason: Oh, never mind. Nobody understands. Michelle: So when do we go on this all-important mission? Fidgel: Any moment now. Must keep the schedule. We should be leaving straight away. Michelle: What kind of mission is it? Fidgel: Rumors are, whatever it is, it's something quite big. Zidgel: And you and Jason will be along for the ride of your life to Sector Eight! Michelle: Where is Jason, anyway? Midgel: I think he went back on board ship. Kevin: Can I have another fish frappe? Zidgel: Looks like that'll have to wait! Zidgel: Captain's blog, we are currently en route to a top secret mission to the spaceship cruiser, Pig-O-Bank. Michelle: Jason, we missed you at the Comet Lounge. Look, I'm sorry if we said...if I said anything to upset you. Okay? Jason? Oh, come on, don't be a baby. Open the door. Michelle: Jason? Zidgel: Wow, that's big. Fidgel: Ho, ho, it's bigger than big. The Pig-O-Bank planetary cruiser. Midgel: Coming into visual range. Zidgel: Everything is going perfectly. Midgel: No worries. Michelle: Help! Someone help! Jason is gone! Jingle: Space T-Freeze is fun to eat It makes each day a special treat! After veggies and your meat, Have a Space T-Freeze! Jason: (shivers) Lizard King: Great Bullamanka! A human ice pop! Lizard King: What are you doin' in there? Jason: R-r-running away? Lizard King: Not on board my ship, you don't. No stowaways. I got a firm rule against such things. Lizard King: Wait a minute, I know you. You're the mate aboard the Rockhopper, under Captain Zidgel. Jason: P-p-please. You gotta let me stay. I-I can't go back there. Lizard King: Why not? Jason: They say things that hurt my feelings...s'posed to be helpful. Lizard King: Oh, it's like that, is it? Always telling you what to do, eh? Giving you orders, do this, do that. Making you feel bad by saying things you don't wanna hear, eh mate? Jason: Yeah! Lizard King: Ha! Get over it! You're a shipmate. Taking orders is what you do. Whatever they're telling you is probably for your own good. I'm taking you back. Jason: You can't! Lizard King: Oh, yes I can, and furthermore, you'll be lucky if they don't-- Lizard King: Tractor beam! Ha! I'll bet that's them now. You can do all your explaining when ya, ya, yikes! (faints) Jason: (gasps) Cavitus! Lizard King: What are you gonna do to us? Cavitus: Nothing, nothing at all. Jason is a friend of mine. Jason: I am? Lizard King: He is? Cavitus: Of course. I'm so glad to have run into you. But tell me, how did you get all the way out here? Jason: I, I was running away. Cavitus: Do tell. Do tell. Michelle: I tell you, I've looked everywhere! He's gone! Fidgel: Sir, the admiral of the Pig-O-Bank cruiser requests an audience. Zidgel: Uh, certainly, bring him aboard. Michelle: What about Jason?! Zidgel: Bring him aboard, too. Uh, I mean, keep looking. Fidgel: Captain, Admiral Sowmaster. Admiral Sowmaster: Time is money, Captain. This is my assistant, Cash. Captain, we have a situation here. Admiral Sowmaster: Say Sparky, how about a cup of tea. Admiral Sowmaster: Hey, you're all right, Sparky. Fidgel: It's Doctor Fidgel. Kevin: Hello. Admiral Sowmaster: Say, you every play any college ball? Kevin: Nope. Zidgel: Uh, Admiral, you were saying? Admiral Sowmaster: Oh, uh, yeah, yeah, our deep space scanners picked up a whammer closing fast. Zidgel: A what? Admiral Sowmaster: A whammer, you know, a ramhammer...a clod bopper? A crash masher? Zidgel: So, what does this whammer want? Admiral Sowmaster: You're a real gem, aren't ya? Somebody give Columbus here a map. Admiral Sowmaster: The Pig-O-Bank cruiser is fully loaded with cold hard cash, four hundred gajillion pennies to be exact, en route to the Federation League of Planets. They're gonna smash the Pig-O-Bank cruiser and scatter the loot all across the galaxy. What do ya think? Fidgel: Oh, my. Admiral Sowmaster: You can say that again. We need you to stop it. You think you can do it? Zidgel: Absolutely. Sparky here will figure something out. Michelle: What about Jason? Admiral Sowmaster: Who might you be? Zidgel: Oh, this is Michelle. We lost her brother. Admiral Sowmaster: Off to a rocky start, aren't ya? Zidgel: Well, we'd better get started. You return to your ship and we'll try and stop this wham thingie. Admiral Sowmaster: See that you do. Michelle: Captain, Jason? Zidgel: Doc, do a full scan of the ship to see where Jason is hiding. Midge, set an intercept course for that whammer whatever. Midgel: Don't have to. It's here. Cavitus: Now, isn't this much better than being aboard that stuffy penguin ship? A boy of your talent and abilty should be giving orders, not taking them. You should admired and respected. Nobody should say anything to cause you pain, right chum? Jason: I, I couldn't agree more. Lizard King: Hey, kid, they're fattening you up for the luau. Jason: What are you talking about? Lizard King: Come on. If they buttered you any more, you'd slide out on your head. They want something. Watch out. Cavitus: Is something wrong? Jason: Why are you being so nice to me? Cavitus: Nice? This is how I treat all of my crew. Right, boys? Minions: (laugh nervously) Cavitus: What a bright young man you are. You know, I could use someone just like you to help me rule the universe. Jason: Wow! Really?! Cavitus: Why not? All you need is your own ship. Something fast and sleek. Something like, oh, like the Rockhopper? Lizard King: Aha! Uh, he, he. Cavitus: Boys, please escort our lizard friend out to get some nice ice cream treats from his ship. Lizard: Hey, hang on there. Those treats aren't free, you know. Cavitus: Oh, I shouldn't worry, I'm about to come into quite a large sum of money. (evil laughter) Lizard King: Oy, easy on the skin, mates! Cavitus: Now, about your nasty crew mates. Jason: Yeah? Cavitus: Where are they off to, this time? Jason: I don't know. Cavitus: Oh, surely you must have some clue. Did they happen to mention a Pig-O-Bank? Jason: Oh yeah, Captain Zidgel said something about that. Cavitus: Brilliant boy, yes. Now, as the captain was telling you everything you do wrong, did he mention where he was headed? Jason: Sector...Eight, I think. Minion #1: Sir, he's out of pumpkincicles. Cavitus: Not now! Cavitus: You were saying? Minion #1: You got saturn pies? Minion #2: Ice cream cups? Lizard King: Yep, all the flavors you can eat. Minion #1: Even raspberry twirl? Lizard King: Oh, sure! It's over there behind the fruity popsticks. Minion #1: Oh ho, me first! Minion #2: Hey, save some for me! Lizard King: Ha! Ya big apes! That'll learn ya to match wits with the Lizard King of Bullamanka! Now, to get help. Lizard King: Mayday, mayday. This is Space-T Freeze transport. We need help! Anyone, come in! Ugh. Where's help when you need it? Michelle: They're gonna smash the cruiser! Zidgel: Doc, how strong is that shield? Fidgel: Oh, not strong enough. Sir, this is odd. It seems the Whammer ship is fully automated. Midgel: It's remote controlled, Captain. There's no one on board. Admiral Sowmaster: Hey. What's goin' on? I thought you said we were gonna stop this thing. Zidgel: Working on it! Admiral Sowmaster: Oh yeah? Well, work faster. Cuz if they break this bank, it's comin' out of your wallet, you got me? Zidgel: Yes! Zidgel: Sir? Fidgel: If that Whammer is automated, then who's controlling it? And from where? Michelle: And where is Jason? Midgel: Sir, we got a distress signal. Zidgel: Well, of course we've got a distress signal. They're getting the pennies pounded out of them. Midgel: No, sir, from another ship. Not far away, either. Zidgel: Oh, heh, heh. Lizard King: Mayday, mayday! This is Space-T Freeze transport! Come in, penguins! Jason is-- Minion #2: That was a sneaky trick locking us in the freezer. Minion #1: Yeah, and you're out of raspberry twirl, too. Minion #2: Yeah! Zidgel: Weird. Michelle: And he said something about Jason! Fidgel: Sir, the Pig-O-Bank shields can only hold for ten minutes more! Midgel: And that remote control signal is coming from the same location. Zidgel: Alright, Midgel, put the spurs to her. Admiral Sowmaster: Hey! Where're you going?! Come back here, ya chickens! Cash: Uh, sir? They're penguins. Admiral Sowmaster: Yeah? Well, they'll be barbecue when I'm done with them. Bert: Oh yeah. Jason: Hey, what's that? Cavitus: I'm...breaking open my piggy bank so I can buy you that ship. Would you like to help? Jason: Okay. Cavitus: Yes. That's it. Jason: Aha, this is fun! Lizard King: Woah! Ugh! Lizard King: Oi! If I was a might bit bigger, I'd show ya who was boss! Lizard King: And what do you think you're doing? Jason: Playing a game. Lizard King: Well, isn't that cozy? That's no game! That's a Pig-O-Bank cruiser, and he's trying to get you to smash it so he can loot the ship. He's a crook, he is. Cavitus: (laughs) Why, that's preposterous. Lizard King: Jason, can't you see this man's not your friend? He's saying nice things to lead you down the wrong path. He's just using you to do his dirty work for him. Jason: Is that true? Cavitus: (chuckles) No, no, no. (chuckles) Yes. Jason: Huh? Cavitus: Oh, don't be so naive. Of course it's true. You're just a silly little boy who doesn't know what's good for him. Jason: Maybe I don't. But I know people who do know. They're called friends. Lizard King: Right behind you, lad! Cavitus: Hey, come back here! Zidgel: I should have known. Fidgel: Cavitus! Zidgel: Where? Fidgel: On board that ship. Zidgel: Oh, right. Midgel: What do we do? And what does Cavitus want with the Space-T Freeze? Zidgel: Well, that's a silly question. He obviously wants some ice cream, butternut fudge with a marshmallow on top, it's his favorite. Zidgel: That's, uh, the word on the street. Kevin: But where's Jason? Lizard King: Strap yourself in, lad. I gotta slow these blokes down a bit. Lizard King: Treats on the house, boys! Come and get it! Minion #1: Oh, boy! Raspberry twirl! Cavitus: Oh, look, butternut fudge! Anyone have a marshmallow? Lizard King: That'll hold them for a while. Alright, kid, hang on! Lizard King and Jason: (sigh) Lizard King: Boy, that was a close one, eh? Jason: Sure was. Lizard King: He had you snookered pretty good. Glad to see you back to your senses. Jason: The wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy just multiplies kisses. Lizard King: Too true, mate. Sometimes folks who aren't your friends say nice things, but they're really harming you. Zidgel: Space-T Freeze, this is Captain Zidgel. We are here to help you. Lizard King: Actually, Captain, I believe I have a little jumbuck what belongs aboard your ship. Admiral Sowmaster: As admiral of the Pig-O-Bank planetary cruiser, I'd like to present you with this medal of honor and courage. Rockhopper crew and Lizard King: (cheer) Jason: I don't deserve a medal. The Lizard King, he's the real hero. Actually, I owe you all an apology. I ran away and got into a lot of trouble. I know you didn't mean to hurt my feelings. What you said was for my own good. I didn't get that. Now I do. Boy, do I ever. I'm really sorry. Admiral Sowmaster: You know, kid, it's a brave man who can admit he's wrong. Cash: Look. It's leaving. The Whammer is going away. Fidgel: Oh, my! (laughs) This is fun! Minion #1: Uh, sir? I think we have a problem. Cavitus: What is it now? Minions: The Whammer! Cavitus: Penguins! I'll get you if it's the last thing I do! Grandmum: Whatever is that racket, pumpkins? Jason: Well, after I finished my chores, I was going to play video games, but then I noticed this step was loose. So, I decided to fix it. Grandmum: Why, that's good of you. Jason: Ow! Grandmum: (gasps) Oh, That must've smarted. Here, love. Good thing I had these. Better? Grandmum: Now, if you don't mind, I could show you how to hold that hammer so you won't hurt your fingers. Jason: Can't I do anything right? I mean, could you show me a better way? Grandmum: Like this, my pet. You're less likely to get wounded this way. Jason: But the wounds of a friend can be trusted. Grandmum: (kisses Jason's thumb) As well as the kisses of your grandmum. Jason, Michelle, and Grandmum: (laugh) Michelle: And thank you for the fun day. Jason: And for all the fun we had. Michelle: And a grandmum who shows us how to do stuff. Jason: Even when it might hurt a little sometimes. Jason and Michelle: Amen. Category:Transcripts Category:3-2-1 Penguins! transcripts Category:Finished Transcripts